Well this was written  when I was at my lowest.  Addiction is funny it can make you feel invincible or it make you give up on life.  When my step daughter went bak to her Mother I was faced to deal with the emptiness of my home alone.  My addiction confined me to my thoughts and my home.  Praying became obsalete.  I felt that God gave up on me.  I could not trust anyone I felt everyone was ou to get me.  I felt so alone.  I felt so cursed.



 Only GOD knows


I was put on this earth for reasons unknown,

Some of us are cursed to be alone.

I laugh and smile to hide the pain,

Our anger and hurt we learn to contain.

Never feeling that life is secure,

Remembering the life I've had to endure.

Loving others the way I want Love,

Longing only to be a part of.

I learned that happiness won't last long,

I realize I'd never really belong.

A taste of happiness is all I receive,

Waiting and wondering when it will leave.

Negative thoughts cloud my mind,

They cause me to live my life confined.

A husband a family a house with a fence,

In my world this doesn't make sense.

When I was little this was my dream,

For me it is something that will never be seen.

They claim our destiny is ours to make,

The choice is ours which road to take.

Physical ailments, disease and pain,

Does not leave you with much to gain.

This life as given to me to survive,

I do have the choice stay alive.

For that which does not kill me will make me    stronger,

Only god knows why and how much longer.









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